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Caring Circuits |
Final GoodbyeBy Michael HermansonMost people will not know me or my family. To that end I would like to start by introducing myself and my family through a paper my daughter, Kelsey, wrote for an English class. The subject is her first experience with the death of someone she loved. As a pastor's daughter, she was not sheltered from the reality of life, death, suffering and as she says "reality." The lessons she learned amazed me and remind me of why we need to talk about this important subject in the weeks and years to come. Take some time and reflect... Mike
Final Goodbye On a cold winter morning, when I was sixteen years old, a telephone call changed my world forever. I was living in Lead, South Dakota with my parents and brother, and before that morning I had never had anything tragic happen in my life. So far I had been sheltered from the fact that there was a world full of hurt and pain out there. However, that morning, I was suddenly thrust into a new understanding of reality, and it changed my life forever. Early in the morning on January 11, 2006, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. When I opened the door the look on my mom's face told me something was terribly wrong. She explained that a nurse had called, and my Grandpa was in the hospital with an illness that had unexpectedly developed overnight. I was honestly not too worried because my Grandpa was in good physical health at eighty-three years old. As the morning wore on, my parents kept receiving up-dates about his condition and talking privately among themselves. Finally, around ten in the morning, my parents came to my brother and me and said "We are going to go visit Grandpa in the hospital in Rapid City." During the one hour drive, they explained to us that Grandpa had Influenza A, which had caused pneumonia and a heart attack. They also explained that his condition was getting worse and he was not expected to live much longer. I was still in denial, and I did not believe it could possibly be true. When we arrived at the hospital, we were ushered into a waiting room where we sat for hours. Finally, around three o'clock in the afternoon they said we could visit him if we went in small groups. My dad and his brother were the first to go in. Then my mom and dad went in to see him. I sat there waiting for my turn to see Grandpa, and my stomach churned as I began to realize this horrible nightmare was not a dream; it was reality. I was shaking as my dad came out of the room and told my brother and me it was time. We walked up to the desk and were given face masks to protect us from getting the flu. I was hardly able to make myself move as we walked through the double doors, down a hallway, and into the room where my grandfather rested. As I saw him lying there in the hospital bed, alert as ever, with his white hair flying in every direction, my heart sunk. I thought to myself, is it possible this amazing man could really be dying? He seemed so alive. He kept asking the nurse jokingly, where the whiskey was, and telling my dad to get him out of there because he was not sick. My brother and dad tried to keep his mind off the hospital by talking to him about the weather and gas prices back in the good old days. I tried to say something, anything, but seeing him lying there was too much for me. Every time I tried to say something, I felt a lump clogging my throat and no words would come out. It hurt me that at my Grandpa's last moment, I could not even speak to him. As I stood there the tears rolled down my cheeks into my mouth where I could taste the bittersweet saltiness against my lips. Finally, as we were about to head back to the waiting room, my Grandpa turned and looked right at my brother and me and said, "I love you." At that moment my heart broke, the tears started flowing down my cheeks like a river. I looked at my Grandpa, forced my mouth open, and whispered just loud enough for him to hear, "I love you Grandpa." That was the last time I ever saw my Grandpa alive, for he passed away that afternoon. Over the next couple months everything changed in my life. Through my Grandpa's death, my eyes were opened to the reality that life is short and unpredictable. I now try to make the most of the relationships I have been given, because they might not be there much longer. I especially hold dear the relationships with my family, whom I have grown much closer to in light of this tragedy. Also, I now have a better understanding of people who are going through hard times in their lives. Due to my Grandpa's death, my family decided we needed to be closer to my mom's parents in order to have a better relationship with them. So in July 2006, we moved to Sherman, Texas, thus beginning a new chapter in my life. By looking back on my Grandpa's life, I saw that he had been through so much hardship, including the Great Depression, serving in World War II, and losing his wife to cancer in 1980. It was amazing to me that even after all this happened he had not been bitter, but had treated everyone with respect. All those who knew him always felt important, because each and every one of them was valuable to him. He has inspired me to treat everyone with love, knowing that they all have worth. Since that January morning, I have become more aware of the possibilities of life and my responsibility to live what I have learned. My Grandpa still lives in my memory everyday and helps me when things get tough. His courage has made me strong. |
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